Choices

Decisons.
I hate em, specialy when they feel they are soo damn important.
I know what i need to do, yet i also know what/who i have to worry about at home.But i think im gonna go with my original plan, go home in july. I know, i would rather stay here and take classes but i need to go home. I mean ive been here for like 11 months, that takes skill.
Cept then its also bad when your conselor is kind of afraid of you going home.I mean i know in the long run what i have to do, i kind of basically already do it.Its the thing that most people dont think of.
Maymester,I actually have a quiz tomorrow. I know really, but hey this class is pretty awesome compared to some of the other classes i have taken. Life is basically Good, why cause im stil in milly.

Thats all for now. Now to study.

& the greatest of these are love.

Oh wow. Life can come at you from all sides at times. I mean all sides. Like Love Family, Faith. Everywhere. And a single phone call can change everything. One. Not that it was meant to or anything, at least by the person on the other end. One call from my mother and everything changes. I can tell something is about is to happen, what im  not sure. That makes me scared as crap. I loose sleep oever this, hence the time. I mean its just easier not to think about it. I try not to cry, why i cry i have no idea. I guess its the whole conversation. I mean you are suppossed to love your family and WANT to be with them. No , not me. Im staying here, being Milly, Till June. Im scared whats gonna happen when i  do go home. I mean it was bad before , dont get me wrong and i survived. Now though i realize there are people who care and the things that have been happening arent right. I ve been on the verge of crying all night. You realize who cares and who doesnt. Who should doesnt, and now some people down here care and know everything. Thats the family part of it.

Next faith or Love. Lets got with Faith and save the best for last.

This year ,  i have realized that people care. Things do happen for a reason, what im still not sure, but im getting there. Like everything in my past has made me who i am today, the good the bad and the sad. You never realizze until you have to  be strong and begin to leave people behind. LIke i survived family day, how ? I have no idea other than God was there, he always is., even when the whole worlds walks out on you he wont. He sends you places and people for reasons. Like this has been my best year in general in a while, a while being since like 9th grade. Yeah , Prayers help. Lots of them, from lots of people. Another thing i learned is its okay to tell people things. People care. Still tring to wrap my head about that. God can use you , it just takes trust in him. Thats hard cause i have trust issues be the first to admit it, along with anger issues. Ive gotten so sick of trying to do this on my own. Ive just not given on certain people, but their actions are not helping thier cause. I wish icould follow peoples advice but its really hard to. Its not what it seems, maybe it is to some, but talking isnt gonna help. Since im pretty sure that made no sense lets get to the good stuff.

& By good stuff i mean the L . O . V . E part,

The thing that has happened not on purpose. I wasnt looking. Im perfectily content with just friends.I think i may have been  a little slow on picking up on it. It being flirting, i mean come from a class of 70 half guys, 30  taken, the  other  15 are jerks, so that leaves about 15. Yeah, pretety bad selesction. Im not trying. Things keep happening though, that arent exactly me. I mean i just start to observe and then its like oh kai, this hasnt happened before. I like it though. Oh and theres the whole making me happy when i would rather go hide in a hole and not come out for a century. Thats a hard thing to. Ahhh, and some other things too. Im not gonna go all mushy on this though.