Choices

Decisons.
I hate em, specialy when they feel they are soo damn important.
I know what i need to do, yet i also know what/who i have to worry about at home.But i think im gonna go with my original plan, go home in july. I know, i would rather stay here and take classes but i need to go home. I mean ive been here for like 11 months, that takes skill.
Cept then its also bad when your conselor is kind of afraid of you going home.I mean i know in the long run what i have to do, i kind of basically already do it.Its the thing that most people dont think of.
Maymester,I actually have a quiz tomorrow. I know really, but hey this class is pretty awesome compared to some of the other classes i have taken. Life is basically Good, why cause im stil in milly.

Thats all for now. Now to study.

& the greatest of these are love.

Oh wow. Life can come at you from all sides at times. I mean all sides. Like Love Family, Faith. Everywhere. And a single phone call can change everything. One. Not that it was meant to or anything, at least by the person on the other end. One call from my mother and everything changes. I can tell something is about is to happen, what im  not sure. That makes me scared as crap. I loose sleep oever this, hence the time. I mean its just easier not to think about it. I try not to cry, why i cry i have no idea. I guess its the whole conversation. I mean you are suppossed to love your family and WANT to be with them. No , not me. Im staying here, being Milly, Till June. Im scared whats gonna happen when i  do go home. I mean it was bad before , dont get me wrong and i survived. Now though i realize there are people who care and the things that have been happening arent right. I ve been on the verge of crying all night. You realize who cares and who doesnt. Who should doesnt, and now some people down here care and know everything. Thats the family part of it.

Next faith or Love. Lets got with Faith and save the best for last.

This year ,  i have realized that people care. Things do happen for a reason, what im still not sure, but im getting there. Like everything in my past has made me who i am today, the good the bad and the sad. You never realizze until you have to  be strong and begin to leave people behind. LIke i survived family day, how ? I have no idea other than God was there, he always is., even when the whole worlds walks out on you he wont. He sends you places and people for reasons. Like this has been my best year in general in a while, a while being since like 9th grade. Yeah , Prayers help. Lots of them, from lots of people. Another thing i learned is its okay to tell people things. People care. Still tring to wrap my head about that. God can use you , it just takes trust in him. Thats hard cause i have trust issues be the first to admit it, along with anger issues. Ive gotten so sick of trying to do this on my own. Ive just not given on certain people, but their actions are not helping thier cause. I wish icould follow peoples advice but its really hard to. Its not what it seems, maybe it is to some, but talking isnt gonna help. Since im pretty sure that made no sense lets get to the good stuff.

& By good stuff i mean the L . O . V . E part,

The thing that has happened not on purpose. I wasnt looking. Im perfectily content with just friends.I think i may have been  a little slow on picking up on it. It being flirting, i mean come from a class of 70 half guys, 30  taken, the  other  15 are jerks, so that leaves about 15. Yeah, pretety bad selesction. Im not trying. Things keep happening though, that arent exactly me. I mean i just start to observe and then its like oh kai, this hasnt happened before. I like it though. Oh and theres the whole making me happy when i would rather go hide in a hole and not come out for a century. Thats a hard thing to. Ahhh, and some other things too. Im not gonna go all mushy on this though.

Kai so im still on this thing. Im trying a no technology thing for lent. Its kind of not working. I need some way to get all the creative stuff out of me. But i think i got a way to describe life ---> unscripted. Hence the name of my blog. Never knew i would actually be writing one of these. BUt hey. A girls to think. And sleep. Which i think i may do. I know what im doing during spring break, i just need to get there first. One more week. Thats all for now.

First One Ever.

well i said i wouldnt do any social networking or the like this week. Yeah its not working out too well. This has been one of those months where i just want to feel better. Ive been sick or my ankle has been hurting me. Not fun, given that i have not exactly kept up with my school work. Bad idea, now this weekend it is Date with the Library. Those are always fun, no they are. i get soo much done.

Another thing, I've found other uses for the internet. You may be wondering huh? Well i found out you can read other peoples blogs , search for just about anything and you can also be too connected. Yep you heard me. Too connected. How you may ask, well given i have like an account on myspace, facebook, twitter, formspring and possibly tumblr. Yeah i have a problem. The hard part for me is to separate RL and RP. Given why i may need another formsring and such. One for RL and One for RP.

I cant wait to RP again. Its fun and  i miss it. This Lent though has been one of the best ,life chnaging ones yet. Cant wait to see what else happens given no social networking after this until next wednesday. It should be fun and enlightening. I have soo much   to do tomorrow given i actually feel good. Amazing what a shower can do. Time for bed and tomorrow is a new day of learning and who knows what else.